Sorry isn’t enough!

“Words and hearts should be handle with care because words when spoken and hearts when broken are the hardest thing to repair.”

Saying sorry sounds so phony to me. It is but a word utterred by someone just so he could vindicate himself for hurting others. But words when spoken can never be taken back. Hearts when broken can never mend to be whole again. Things already done cannot be undone. So why say sorry?

They say a person who’s very angry could say the best speech he would later regret saying. Simply because fury can cloud one’s mind and decision. You won’t have time to pick the right words to say, thus, resulting in saying hurtful words that would break someone’s heart.

I don’t believe that what you say when you’re angry and revoking it after would make a difference, it wouldn’t make the other person feel better. The person who had received hurtful words surely was already hurt. Mayhaps, terribly hurt.

I also don’t believe that what a person say or do when he’s angry, unhappy or isn’t feeling well are not intentional. At that point in that person’s life he meant those words.

It happened to me one day that I found myself terribly hurt by someone whom I thought would hurt me last. And when that person apologized to me, I just smiled and said ok, even if it wasn’t ok . That person sounded so unsincere even if I knew that person was sincere. I couldn’t get myself to believe everything’s ok because I know it would be otherwise. How could everything be okay when I was terribly hurt, shaken to the core and the pain so deep it didn’t even bleed?! Things will never be the same again. I know they never will. I was hurt. No one would ever know what agony, what great a pain I felt with what that person said and did to me. No amount of sorry, hugs, kisses, even tears can mend it. Nothing can make me forget. I can forgive yes, but I will never forget. I will never forget what I felt that moment I was hurting! I will never forget how I cried so hard that I thought I’d have a heart attack. I couldn’t even scream for the tight feeling seemed caught up in my throat that I would explode in a moment. So is the song right or wrong, is it really too late to apologize?

To me, it is, as the damage has been done. And the damage is great it can never be undone!

Baduy daw magbasa ng Tagalog Pocketbooks?

Baduy ba? I didn’t know…

Well, let’s give those people who call Tagalog PB readers “baduy” a run for an argument. What premise do they have? Perhaps, the only people they see reading Tagalog PB are their elders, street vendors, housekeepers, yaya’s, security guards, salesladies, high school students, mothers, grandmothers, carinderia helpers and the commoners, maybe then they can call them baduy or all PB readers baduy, for that matter. But are they really? Just because they aren’t rich and influential, they are already baduy? Pathetic, prejudicial psychos they are for looking down on those people. Well, for me if baduy is such bad a term, then these prejudicial psychos are apt to be called baduys as they are the real baduys!!!

I am proud to say that I am a big Tagalog PB reader. It’s my way of helping a rather struggling industry ( if it’s called an industry) in the Philippines — Pinoy Literature. I mean how can you not patronize books that showcase pure Pinoy talents? Can we at least show our patriotism in buying Filipino products? I know that we can never eliminate the colonial mentality, as it seemed inate to every Filipino (including me) but can we at least pay attention to Pinoy authors who only want to share their talents? Authors, who one way or another would touch our lives and somehow inspire us to be better individuals. Maybe these people who called us, Lotharian sissies, baduys, ought to be introduced to Ms Eve Motelibano’s works. I wonder if they would still know the word peace of mind after reading a story and not ask for another and another and another! Then we would introduce the works of Crystal, Nimfa, Ruenna, Fraerine, Kat and all LM books.

And hell, who gave them the idea that pocketbooks, Pinoy Romace Books at that, crappy and all?! I’ve learned so much in them. Some authors coined terms we never heard about. Some of them discussed issue we never dared talk about before. Some books teach us how to be better people, whether as friends, as sisters, as daughters and most especially as lovers. I wouldn’t deny the fact that some expressions I say impress my friends, them without knowing I picked those lines from some books I read, ahaha! Ain’t that smart, huh?

Well, if after the above mentioned reasons I would still be tagged baduy, then I don’t care! Who gives a damn care anyway? Heck, reading Tagalog PB brings out some of my most kept emotions, they gave me reasons to cry, to hope, to love, to smile, to be mad. These crappy, cheesy, eew, corny love stories bring back my faith in love and in life in general. They allow me to hope that someone out there was born for me and we will meet someday, somewhere and will grow old together. These books give me reasons to celebrate life, give me reason to praise God and be thankful that I am a human being – capable of feeling, thinking and loving.

Sige, baduy na kung baduy, masaya naman ako!

New Year = New Resolution

I don’t believe in New Year’s resolution. For one, almost every year I come up with my own list but have yet to see them fulfilled. So much for making promises and compromises!

Well, this year, there’s only one in my list. Yup, read it right. One. Single. Only. Sole. Hehe… that is to always be happy! I wouldn’t let anything alter this inner joy that I know I possess. I wouldn’t subject myself to be miserable just because things don’t go the way they should or the way I want them to.

Through the years I’ve come to realize that life is a matter of perspective. There are some things we don’t have any control over. When problems besiege you, would you rather break or bend? Would you give up without a fight or fight without giving up? Problems, sufferings, toilings should shake you a little, might throw you off balance, but when a ball hits the wall it bounces back and continues to roll, so should we. Only one of two things would happen, suffering could either destroy you or build you up, so I choose to always be on the winning side, I choose to be stronger.

Besides, how would you know you have truly lived if you haven’t nearly died? Experiencing hell makes the idea of heaven more heavenly. How can you say you’re happy if you don’t have a foggin’ idea what sadness, loneliness or pain means, right?

It’s always easier to look at the brighter side of things than wallow in misery. People won’t give a damn if you’re miserable so might as well be happy.

Cliche’ as it may sound, life’s too short to feel or be anything but HAPPY!