Confession of a Certified Closet Romantic

I sobbed myself to sleep…again. Nicholas Sparks is yet to fail  bringing a tear or two to my eyes. No matter how cynical I’ve become over the years, no matter  how stoical I’ve been over hearbreaks, break ups and the likes,  the simple fact that true love exists and the thought that someone earnestly and dearly loves another person able to penetrate these barriers to tingle my cold-stone bones. I remember one time, when a very dear couple to me held hands infront of me, I started rolling my eyes, being the cold, cynical bitch that is me. But reading the novel again and remeniscin the scenes from the movie, The Notebook, I was hit to the core by Something I myself denied for the longest time now, the fact that I long to be Allie and meet my own Noah someday!Despite the fact that many find me cynical, cold and coming on too strong, I still long, crave, dream and desire to meet that someone who will love me for who I am, who will love me wholeheartily and eternally. That all this time there’s this inner longing for someone who will love me for a lifetime, his lifetime and beyond.

I never denied the fact that I am romantic to the point of being hopeless, but you simply can’t make out with that fact have you not known me deeply. For I am, as one of my friends had put in, “perfectionist cynic” who easily gets bored or losts interest when I learned of a small hint that someone isn’t that all good, not at all perfect. I get easily turned off at  the simplest things or traits. And I have misled many to believe that I am not romantic.

But I am. I truly am. I dunno! I am no perfectionist, I don’t even own a list of my would be “boyfriend”. It’s just that, like Noah, I have long given my heart to someone. I have held that person in my heart and loved that person dearly. And because that special person had long captured my heart, I had been led to believe that everyone would pale in comparison wtih him. Because he’s special. He’s exceptional. And he holds my heart, my soul, my everything ’til my heart beats its last. And yes, just like Noah who wouldn’t get married had the wife turned not to be Allie, I was led to a realization that I too, won’t be able to get married if it won’t be him who’d be waiting at the alter as I walk down the aisle and eager to exchange I do’s.

It’s true, that when you truly love someone, you become blind.  Blind not because you can’t see others, but because you only see one person and would be seeing that person for the rest of your life.

Wouldn’t it be nice to know that someone chose to love you, to hold you and keep that burning passion alive ’til that person’s very last breath? And that person, despite all the pains, the aches, the sacrifices, would never regret that decision of loving you and that if given a second life and a chance to relive his life would not choose any other option but to love you again? And again as if his life and happiness depended on it? On you?

Lemme leave you  my favorite part of the book:
“I am nothing special…There are no monuments dedicated to me and my name would soon be forgotten, but I’ve loved another with all my heart and soul, and to me, this has always been enough…I have no complaints about my path and the places it had taken me; but the path I have chosen has always been the right one, and I wouldn’t have it any other way.”

It is always when you love with your soul, I believe, is true love at its best. You know why? Because when you only love with your heart, and the heart stops beating, the feeling would be gone and with it, that love dies. But we all believe in the afterlife, and we belive that heaven is a place where our souls would dwell when we die. So the soul never dies. It’s something eternal. Never ending. So loving with the soul would truly outlast a lifetime, would defy forever and if forever has finally come to its end, that love would continue to live.

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