Confession of a Certified Closet Romantic

I sobbed myself to sleep…again. Nicholas Sparks is yet to fail  bringing a tear or two to my eyes. No matter how cynical I’ve become over the years, no matter  how stoical I’ve been over hearbreaks, break ups and the likes,  the simple fact that true love exists and the thought that someone earnestly and dearly loves another person able to penetrate these barriers to tingle my cold-stone bones. I remember one time, when a very dear couple to me held hands infront of me, I started rolling my eyes, being the cold, cynical bitch that is me. But reading the novel again and remeniscin the scenes from the movie, The Notebook, I was hit to the core by Something I myself denied for the longest time now, the fact that I long to be Allie and meet my own Noah someday!Despite the fact that many find me cynical, cold and coming on too strong, I still long, crave, dream and desire to meet that someone who will love me for who I am, who will love me wholeheartily and eternally. That all this time there’s this inner longing for someone who will love me for a lifetime, his lifetime and beyond.

I never denied the fact that I am romantic to the point of being hopeless, but you simply can’t make out with that fact have you not known me deeply. For I am, as one of my friends had put in, “perfectionist cynic” who easily gets bored or losts interest when I learned of a small hint that someone isn’t that all good, not at all perfect. I get easily turned off at  the simplest things or traits. And I have misled many to believe that I am not romantic.

But I am. I truly am. I dunno! I am no perfectionist, I don’t even own a list of my would be “boyfriend”. It’s just that, like Noah, I have long given my heart to someone. I have held that person in my heart and loved that person dearly. And because that special person had long captured my heart, I had been led to believe that everyone would pale in comparison wtih him. Because he’s special. He’s exceptional. And he holds my heart, my soul, my everything ’til my heart beats its last. And yes, just like Noah who wouldn’t get married had the wife turned not to be Allie, I was led to a realization that I too, won’t be able to get married if it won’t be him who’d be waiting at the alter as I walk down the aisle and eager to exchange I do’s.

It’s true, that when you truly love someone, you become blind.  Blind not because you can’t see others, but because you only see one person and would be seeing that person for the rest of your life.

Wouldn’t it be nice to know that someone chose to love you, to hold you and keep that burning passion alive ’til that person’s very last breath? And that person, despite all the pains, the aches, the sacrifices, would never regret that decision of loving you and that if given a second life and a chance to relive his life would not choose any other option but to love you again? And again as if his life and happiness depended on it? On you?

Lemme leave you  my favorite part of the book:
“I am nothing special…There are no monuments dedicated to me and my name would soon be forgotten, but I’ve loved another with all my heart and soul, and to me, this has always been enough…I have no complaints about my path and the places it had taken me; but the path I have chosen has always been the right one, and I wouldn’t have it any other way.”

It is always when you love with your soul, I believe, is true love at its best. You know why? Because when you only love with your heart, and the heart stops beating, the feeling would be gone and with it, that love dies. But we all believe in the afterlife, and we belive that heaven is a place where our souls would dwell when we die. So the soul never dies. It’s something eternal. Never ending. So loving with the soul would truly outlast a lifetime, would defy forever and if forever has finally come to its end, that love would continue to live.

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Inspiring Thoughts…

Sometimes you just can’t have what you want, when you want it. But that doesn’t mean you can never have it.  Everything takes place at the right time. It’s not NO, its just NOT NOW!

Enjoy life, there’s plenty of time to be dead.

Sometimes, nobody really cares if you’re miserable, so you might as well be happy.

If you can’t solve it, it’s not a problem, it’s REALITY!

Happiness is like a perfume, you can’t pour on others without getting a few drops on your self.

If all good things must come to an end, then don’t worry. All bad things eventually would end, too!

Think of difficult people as sandpaper. They may rub and scratch you painfully but eventually you end up smooth and polished and the sandpaper ends up worn out!

Never frowm for you won’t know who might fall for your smile.

God only makes happy endings, if it’s not yet happy, then it’s not yet the end.

When he was packing them in the boxes, the pencilmaker told the pencils five important lessons. 1st, Everything you do will always leave a mark. 2nd, you can alwalys correct the mistakes you make. 3rd, what is important is what is inside you. 4th, In life you will undergo painful sharpenings which will make you a better pencil. And the most important one, In order  to be the best pencil you can, you must allow yourself to be held and guided by the hand that holds you.

Loving someone who doesn’t love you is like watching a star you know you can never reach. But you just have to keep trying. Why not? Star can fall, right, and be a shooting star!

A Day in Paradise

I’ve had this aversion to water since time immemorial. The moment my feet feel nothing solid underneath the water I’d start panicking, thus learning how to swim has become elusive. I’ve always had this weird thought of getting drowned everytime I go swimming. I ended up missing a lot not enjoying all water activities — swimming, snorkelling, rafting, kayaking and scuba diving.

But not until July 04, 2008 when I and few of my closest office colleagues decided to go to Anawangin Cove in Zambales. Beach resorts aren’t the major attraction there since I found that there’s nothing much to enjoy with Pundaquit’s shoreline. The main attraction there was island hopping and trekking towards Anawangin Cove. It was truly a paradise. It’d make you feel like you’re somwhere else but the Philippines. I had this weird feeling that I am in New Zealand or Switzerland. I ejoyed the whole trip because finally I have overcome one of my fears, not to mention that it was only my 2nd time riding a water vessel (if a motor boat can be considered a vessell at that), one was a ferry from CCP to Orion when I joined my L2Summitteers climbing Mt. Tarak in Mariveles, Bataan ages ago. And that was about the same time I learned, really learned to swim..hehehe..I sure would enjoy going outdoor more.

Some of us had hesitations going to Anawangin but not me and Mico and Shie. Hearsays had it that a few seasoned mountaineers died and gone missing a few weeks back while trekking. Well, I wouldn’t wanna spoil my excitement for I was too excited beyond what can be considered as overly excited. Few days prior to the trip, the rain never stopped pouring, threatening our forthcoming trip to perdition. It even came to a point that only the three of us or make that fours us, with Riza’s inclusion, decided to go despite the not-so-good a weather forecasts from 4th ’til 8th of July. I just relied solely to my observed luck with outings, trips and campings that whenever I am included and no matter how unpredictably bad the weather is, the sun would always show up during those planned dates. Of course, I coupled that “luck” with ardent prayers. And on the 4th we setforth to Victory Liner in Monumento. Each of us paid P257.00 for fare (P252.00 from Caloocan to San Antonio, Zambales plus P5 accident insurance) and at exactly 11am, off to Zambales the bus went. And before the clock ticked at 3PM, we arrived in San Antonio, went straight to the market to buy a 3-day-supply of food, water and other personal things. Then we went straight to Mama Tess’ Wild Rose Beach Resort and paid a sum of P4,400 for a 2-night stay at her cabana.

We spent our first night swimming tirelessly at the pool. My, the resort was clean and since we’re the only people checked in at the resort, enjoyed our sole use of the resort. The next day, we started sailing towards Anawangin Cove at 8AM. Before we sailed, I told myself that nothing could harm me if God didn’t permit so. And I put on my life vest and rode the boat with much enthusiam enough for all 8 of us.
When we arrived at Anawangin, I understood why so much has been said about everything in it, from the white sand, to the pine trees,to the lake and the tip of the lake that meets the mountain and the sea. PERFECT! Though I’ve observed that there’s garbage here and there, maybe because of the rain and because of some people who, because of too much appreciation of the place, forgot sensibility. Before I even reprimand myself from being too OC, I found myself sweeping garbage off the prestine white sand. Hello! I mean, libre na nga ‘yong place, nag-iwan pa tayo ng kalat! Why shouldn’t we live by this saying:

TAKE NOTHING BUT PICTURES,
LEAVE NOTHING BUT MEMORIES,
KILL NOTHING BUT TIME.

After the never ending picture taking and photo sessions, we sailed off to Capones Island, with the intention of having more photo session at the Lighthouse. But because the waves became too strong that it became dangerous to sail, we landed at the other end, rather the other side of the island. We just took pictures on the rocks at the other side of the island and also while enjoying the water.


Before we went home, all of us were convinced that indeed it was a day in paradise and we’re all looking forward going back.