My first book is finished

I ‘ve finished writing my first book. The following passage was an excerpt. Patitikimin ko kayo…

——–
I looked back at him when he wasn’t looking anymore…It hurt me more than I could take, seeing him with another girl, looking happier than ever. I wanted to run away and shout ’til I run out of voice, ’til my vocal chord explodes…’til I die. I really wanted to die, I really did. What have I done wrong that deserves this kind of torment? How I wish I could bring the past back…bring those days back, those days I spent with him — those days when he was mine. He.Was.Mine.Alone.

I swayed my gaze somewhere else “Oh Karie, look somewhere else.For Pete’s sake, L-O-O-K  S-O-M-E-W-H-E-R-E  E-L-S-E!” my mind quipped. So I gazed upon the food served on the table — they’re really delectable to the eye, made me wonder if they taste good as they appeared. Someone called my name “Karie, would you be watching the concert with us?”, the voice seemed to be coming somewhere far, penetrating through my consternation over the food. Then I searched the whole place and encountered a pair of penetrating dark eyes anticipating my answer, how could I ever forget his voice? How could I ever forget that voice that haunted me every night? the voice which whispered like a prayer every night? Oh I knew why, while I missed the voice so much, I tried hard, really hard to burry it at the deepest recess of my soul. Because I lost him before and I couldn’t have him anymore. Not now. Not ever.

“No…” I immediately answered. I said no not because I didn’t want to be with them, after all his girlfriend, Jessie, current girlfriend at that was a long lost friend of mine (probably bestfriend as we’re bestfriends during elementary days), but because I couldn’t stand the thought that I’ll be a nuissance when we go out.

“Why?” seeing the furrow on Jessie’s forehead made me guilty but I had to make a stand. Needless to say, to save my heart from being broken into pieces.

“I have a date on Tuesday.” I silently thanked my ever-functioning brain.

“Oh that’s okay. Next time na lang, Karrie.” Yussof said it in a very casual tone. How could he say my name so casually when I couldn’t even say his name without hurting so bad inside? He must loved Jessie so much or he’s dong it on purpose – to hurt me the way I hurt him before. How pressumptious of me! But if he’s really out to punish me, then he’s doing a great job!

That was definitely a long night and I really wanted that night to end so I could sleep and wake up tomorrow thinking that that was just a nightmare, a bad, bad dream. I could hear Fra Lippo Lippi singing at the background – was it just an imagination? No, as if to mock me some more, the restaurant played a song that blatantly expressed what I was exactly feeling that very moment.

How could you come with me
When you knew all along that you had to go
How could you watch me sleep
So close to you
Pretending not to know

How could you memorize my name
And forget who i am
How could you think
You’re still the same
Believing i can

It’s too late to start pretending
It’s too late for a new beginning
Later than the sunset
Later that the rain
Later than never to love you again

How could you ask for more
With an innocent smile
Trusting me to stay
How could you close the door
And leave me here
Supposing I’m ok

How could you break down
My disguise
And uncover my fears
How could you look into my eyes
Ignoring my tears

It’s too late to start pretending
It’s too late for a new beginning
Later that the sunset
Later than the rain
Later than never to love you again

Its too late

Before the song ended, I gazed at Yussof one last time and was surprised to see him intently staring at me. His eyes – his ever expressive eyes- were telling me something. Something I didn’t want to know and wouldn’t have the courage to know. 
 

3 thoughts on “My first book is finished

  1. awalkabout says:

    Congratulations on your wonderful achievement! You’ve done something very special. 🙂

    babs

  2. oklay says:

    This is really great…I hope we can have our hands on the complete book soon

  3. janisluvj says:

    hi oklay.

    still undecided kc if I’m gonna submit that to a publishing house or ako na ang magpa-publish…

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