Mr and Mrs Fontz

Janis,

 Bakla, uuwi ako kasama ng mga inaanak mo. The twins, of corz. Miss ka na daw nila. Turuan ka daw magsalita ng German, harharhar…

 J.

Hmm..can’t help but smile…Dahil kc sa kalokohan ko kaya nagkaroon ng names ang mga inaanak ko. Nung nililigawan pa kc si Meia ng jowa niya then na German, hubby na niya ngayon at uber pretty ng mansionera ng lola sa Germany, nilait lait ko talaga ang last name… haha Fontz ba naman…Sabi ko, eto ung mga puede niyang ipangalan sa mga magiging anak niya:

 verdana
tahoma
romans
helvetica
Vrinda
Raavi
Palatino
Boli
Corsiva
Marlett
Lucida
Latha
Garamond
Edessa

Hahaha…being the computer savvy that I am. And my, my, after 2 years, naging Mrs. Fontz na nga siya. Much to my amazement, nanganak siya ng kambal at ang ipinangalan nga ng lola mo ay Edessa at Raavi.

Looking forward naman ako sa muling pagkikita namin ng nga tsikiting..hay so cute kaya nila…Emerald eyes. Hmm…odd lang kc fave daw ng mga jugetz ang palitaw, hmmm, makakatipid ang super kuripot nilang ninang. Ipagluluto ko sila kahit isang bilao pa!

Na-miss ko ang sarili ko dito!

Bitter..hehehe

This one goes out to all the girls who are in control and take charge
of their lives! Cheers for all of us!!! Wala lang tinopak lang ako kaya ko
ito isinulat! Read on n lang!***Life is too short, I realized just now the wisdom of that cliche. Dahil
nakakpagod pala ang maghintay. Nakakasawa. Longing is indeed the most
tiring thing in the world. But if I’ve learned a lesson or two about it, that
is TO NEVER WAIT, BUT GO AFTER WHAT I WANT, time won’t stop and wait for me.

I’m used to waiting for love to come around. Little did I know that while
I’m waiting for love and ignoring other men who kept knocking at my
heart’s door, I was hurting myself so bad.
Depriving myself of being happy and being loved.

I’m tired of falling for men who didn’t love me and didn’t or couldn’t
fight for me. Men who couldn’t admit and fight for their feelings for me,
that instead of fighting and pursuing me settled with other women they had
the least challenge of winning.

Ayoko na sa mga lalaking duwag! Sawa na akong maghintay sa mga lalaking
hindi marunong or kayang ipaglaban ang nararamdaman nila! Mga lalaking
ayaw sumugal dahil ayaw matalo! Mga lalaking mas malaki ang ego kesa
pag-ibig!

I’m so sick of men who could confess their feelings for me in front of
their friends. In front of other people. But not strong enough to admit it
straight to my face. Not strong and brave enough to win me over. Ngi
hindi sumubok man lang. Kahit mag-effort lang! Am I not worth fighting for?
Am I not worth the wait? Aren’t they the ones who don’t deserve anything
from me? Any emotions from me at all. Not even hate. Much more, pain.

But now, no more of that.

Now that I am in love again, I will take charge of my destiny. This
time, I’ll take the upper hand and not depend my happiness to others. I’ll
try hard to make him notice me. Then love me. I’m gonna make him notice and
love me and if that day comes, I won’t make it hard for him. Then I’d be
very happy.

Then maybe these MEN would realize their LOSS FOR GIVING UP WITHOUT A
FIGHT! It’s all for their eyes to see that I could love him the way that I
loved them (probably more) but realized that no one could ever loved them the
way that I did. Serves them right for NOT BEING A MAN DESERVING OF A
WOMAN’S LOVE! NOT DESERVING OF MY LOVE!!!

Para sa lahat ng mga lalaking duwag, magtago kayo sa cocoon ninyo ng
karuwagan at self-preservation! Darating ang araw na iiyak din kayo!
Magigising n lang kayo isang araw n wala na sa inyo ang lahat! Because
you passed on a lot of moments! On a lot of chance! Para sa inyo to!

“I wish one day you’d miss me me that no matter how hard you search for
me, you won’t find me. I wish one day you’d remember my face that no matter
you wish to forget, it’d keep haunting you. I wish one day you’d love me,
that no matter how hard you ignore it, you would always feel the pain. Then
you’d be hurt, then you’d cry, then you’d long to be with me only to realize
I was gone and could love you no more!”

Kaawa-awa

Kaawa-awa

by janis de asis

i stared at you

you looked back

there was something in your eyes

suddenly you smiled

i was lost

my heart stopped beating

time stopped

the world stopped revolving

there were no words spoken

no vows exchanged

but i knew in my heart that was it

the real thing they so called love…

we were in love, weren’t we?

or at least i was…

and still am…’til now

but in vain, i waited

for you to make the first move

all my hopes were shut to nowhere

when we parted ways

and now you’re miles away

left alone with mem’ries

when will you be back is still uncertain

maybe tomorrow, next month, next year

maybe never…

but until that day comes I’ll be here

waiting and waiting and waiting

saving forever for you.

My first book is finished

I ‘ve finished writing my first book. The following passage was an excerpt. Patitikimin ko kayo…

——–
I looked back at him when he wasn’t looking anymore…It hurt me more than I could take, seeing him with another girl, looking happier than ever. I wanted to run away and shout ’til I run out of voice, ’til my vocal chord explodes…’til I die. I really wanted to die, I really did. What have I done wrong that deserves this kind of torment? How I wish I could bring the past back…bring those days back, those days I spent with him — those days when he was mine. He.Was.Mine.Alone.

I swayed my gaze somewhere else “Oh Karie, look somewhere else.For Pete’s sake, L-O-O-K  S-O-M-E-W-H-E-R-E  E-L-S-E!” my mind quipped. So I gazed upon the food served on the table — they’re really delectable to the eye, made me wonder if they taste good as they appeared. Someone called my name “Karie, would you be watching the concert with us?”, the voice seemed to be coming somewhere far, penetrating through my consternation over the food. Then I searched the whole place and encountered a pair of penetrating dark eyes anticipating my answer, how could I ever forget his voice? How could I ever forget that voice that haunted me every night? the voice which whispered like a prayer every night? Oh I knew why, while I missed the voice so much, I tried hard, really hard to burry it at the deepest recess of my soul. Because I lost him before and I couldn’t have him anymore. Not now. Not ever.

“No…” I immediately answered. I said no not because I didn’t want to be with them, after all his girlfriend, Jessie, current girlfriend at that was a long lost friend of mine (probably bestfriend as we’re bestfriends during elementary days), but because I couldn’t stand the thought that I’ll be a nuissance when we go out.

“Why?” seeing the furrow on Jessie’s forehead made me guilty but I had to make a stand. Needless to say, to save my heart from being broken into pieces.

“I have a date on Tuesday.” I silently thanked my ever-functioning brain.

“Oh that’s okay. Next time na lang, Karrie.” Yussof said it in a very casual tone. How could he say my name so casually when I couldn’t even say his name without hurting so bad inside? He must loved Jessie so much or he’s dong it on purpose – to hurt me the way I hurt him before. How pressumptious of me! But if he’s really out to punish me, then he’s doing a great job!

That was definitely a long night and I really wanted that night to end so I could sleep and wake up tomorrow thinking that that was just a nightmare, a bad, bad dream. I could hear Fra Lippo Lippi singing at the background – was it just an imagination? No, as if to mock me some more, the restaurant played a song that blatantly expressed what I was exactly feeling that very moment.

How could you come with me
When you knew all along that you had to go
How could you watch me sleep
So close to you
Pretending not to know

How could you memorize my name
And forget who i am
How could you think
You’re still the same
Believing i can

It’s too late to start pretending
It’s too late for a new beginning
Later than the sunset
Later that the rain
Later than never to love you again

How could you ask for more
With an innocent smile
Trusting me to stay
How could you close the door
And leave me here
Supposing I’m ok

How could you break down
My disguise
And uncover my fears
How could you look into my eyes
Ignoring my tears

It’s too late to start pretending
It’s too late for a new beginning
Later that the sunset
Later than the rain
Later than never to love you again

Its too late

Before the song ended, I gazed at Yussof one last time and was surprised to see him intently staring at me. His eyes – his ever expressive eyes- were telling me something. Something I didn’t want to know and wouldn’t have the courage to know. 
 

From – Twenty Poems of Love

 
  I can write the saddest lines tonight.Write for example: ‘The night is fractured
and they shiver, blue, those stars, in the distance’

The night wind turns in the sky and sings.
I can write the saddest lines tonight.
I loved her, sometimes she loved me too.

On nights like these I held her in my arms.
I kissed her greatly under the infinite sky.

She loved me, sometimes I loved her too.
How could I not have loved her huge, still eyes.

I can write the saddest lines tonight.
To think I don’t have her, to feel I have lost her.

Hear the vast night, vaster without her.
Lines fall on the soul like dew on the grass.

What does it matter that I couldn’t keep her.
The night is fractured and she is not with me.

That is all. Someone sings far off. Far off,
my soul is not content to have lost her.

As though to reach her, my sight looks for her.
My heart looks for her: she is not with me

The same night whitens, in the same branches.
We, from that time, we are not the same.

I don’t love her, that’s certain, but how I loved her.
My voice tried to find the breeze to reach her.

Another’s kisses on her, like my kisses.
Her voice, her bright body, infinite eyes.

I don’t love her, that’s certain, but perhaps I love her.
Love is brief: forgetting lasts so long.

Since, on these nights, I held her in my arms,
my soul is not content to have lost her.

Though this is the last pain she will make me suffer,
and these are the last lines I will write for her.

I Do Not Love You Except Because I Love You

by Pablo Neruda 

 I do not love you except because I love you;
I go from loving to not loving you,
From waiting to not waiting for you
My heart moves from cold to fire.
I love you only because it’s you the one I love;
I hate you deeply, and hating you
Bend to you, and the measure of my changing love for you
Is that I do not see you but love you blindly.

Maybe January light will consume
My heart with its cruel
Ray, stealing my key to true calm.

In this part of the story I am the one who
Dies, the only one, and I will die of love because I love you,
Because I love you, Love, in fire and blood

I’m so into Pablo Neruda..I caught the fever called “love”…

I don’t love you as if you were the salt-rose, topaz
or arrow of carnations that propagate fire:
I love you as certain dark things are loved,
secretly, between the shadow and the soul.
I love you as the plant that doesn’t bloom and carries
hidden within itself the light of those flowers,
and thanks to your love, darkly in my body
lives the dense fragrance that rises from the earth.

I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where,
I love you simply, without problems or pride:
I love you in this way because I don’t know any other way of loving

but this, in which there is no I or you,
so intimate that your hand upon my chest is my hand,
so intimate that when I fall asleep it is your eyes that close.