Bittersweet Surrender

Bittersweet Surrender

i’m a woman whose life’s in order
i dont want any nuissance
i even hate surprises
i want everything planned, in order
i never want to be caught unawares
i have to be ready, too carefully composed

i’ve lot of ambitions to be fulfilled
goals to be realized
stars to be reached
plans to be actualized
i have to go one to many places
i hate failing
i really fear losing
i am born victorious and i will always be victorious
a winner, survivor

but when you came
a lot of things have changed
subconsciously, i’ve made provisions in my life for you
trying so hard so i could make room for you
in this overly planned life of mine

you made me realize a lot of things
i am not the superwoman i intend to show I am
instead, you made me realize that I am a human being;
alive and breathing
with emotions, with felt needs only you can fathom
i ain’t no superwoman, indeed
just plain Woman, just a woman

when you came
you had introduced a lot of things
you had delivered me from alienations
of things that seemed foolish,
awkward and absurd before
you made me feel things i haven’t felt before
see things in a way i haven’t seen before
most of all made me realize of a lot of things
i’m missing

i was so sure i was strong, was in control
but you let my guards down and allow you to take off my shield
and made me vulnerable in the process
human enough to feel joy, to feel pain
you make me feel emotions i never knew existing
like excitement of seeing someone special
the joy of seeing you
jealous over someone who’s caught your attention
pain of looking at you from afar and never finding the courage to really approach you
nervous to look at your direction and see me oggling at you like a silly teen-ager
or i may gape at you like crazy
you might  be intimidated by my scorching stares
but there is an underlying truth about this
i was the one who’s intimidated
you were so cute and easy on the eye
women literally swooned seeing you
i was too scared, scared than you could imagine
too  scared to find out the feeling might not be mutual
i feared rejection, i hated losing (remember?)
i was just protecting my heart

so i wore this mask to drive you away
so that i might seem unaffected, insensitive, oblivious
i just wished i didn’t hurt you in any way
co’z in all honesty, my heart would really break if i made you cry or made you hate me

i think it’s too late to reach you
what’s the use of all of these confessions?
you’re a million miles away
and never would you hear me again
never would i see your face again
the face that haunted me for years
i miss everything about you
you eyes, your lips, your voice
your name which I whisper like a prayer every night
i wish there’s another way, another chance
i wish there really is

i may have kept this for a very long time
but now i’m gonna say this
if God will bring you back to me
I will never, ever let you go again
Co’z this time I mean it
I LOVE YOU…I REALLY DO!
THERE’S NO ONE IN THIS WORLD
COULD EVER TAKE THE PLACE OF YOU!
DESPITE THE PAIN OF LOVING AND LOSING YOU
I WOULD KEEP COMING BACK TO YOU!
I AM NO SUPERWOMAN, BECAUSE I AM A WOMAN, A WOMAN SO MUCH IN LOVE..WITH YOU!!!

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