More than broken-hearted…in despair…

I really hate nostalgia…it really makes me some kinda sick, to the point of throwing out… But I can’t help it… I may have little (or shall I say few) memories of him, but it’s effects are inevitably hurting me, and would forever haunt me…More than being just memories, I think those few memories I have with him (that I would forever keep) would be apt to be called “legacy”, more aptly categorized as spirit, rather than just being part of my system…

It was 2:38 AM and we we’re driving towards Nasugbu, Batangas with some friends when my friend turned the radio on. Incidently, this song suddenly was aired (This was I think a slow rock/love song fr the 80’s….and I would’ve to admit I’m really a sucker for late 80’s and early 90’s songs — esp slow rock/alternative and the like…) and as I was listening to the music, I realized that this song might’ve been especially written for him…

All alone tonight
I’m calling out your name
Somewhere deep inside
This part of you remains
Images of love
Take me back in time

I don’t know how it started
Why it ever had to end
But something stepped inside
We didn’t let it in
Is keeping us apart
Where are you now

Where are you now
Is someone there tonight
Holding what was mine
Where are you now
Do you wonder where I am
Are you really feelin’ fine


Goin’ through my life
Without you by my side
You’re the only thing
That keeps goin’ through my mind
And nothin’ that I do
Can take the place of you

Where are you now
Is someone there tonight
Holding what was mine
Where are you now
Do you wonder where I am
Are you really feelin’ fine

Oooh, thinkin about you, boy
There’s gotta be a place for me
Somewhere in your heart

All alone tonight
I’m calling out your name
Somewhere deep inside
This part of you remains
Images of love
Where are you now

Where are you now
Is someone there tonight
Holding what was mine
Where are you now
Do you wonder where I am
Are you really feelin’ fine
Where are you now
Is someone there tonight
Holding what was mine
Where are you now
Do you wonder where I am
I need you here tonight….

To Jo.Me,

Are you also feeling lost like I do?
Feeling cold and alone?
Where are you now?

Ewan ko ba, siguro ‘gang ngayon nag-iilusyon pa rin ako…na may gusto ka nga sa kin? Did you ever love me? Or at the very least became interested in me? Totoo ba ung sinabi mo dati or trip-trip lang talga?

Hear me out please, please….(Or else…talagang manhid ka or torpe!) Naalala ko tuloy ung sinabi ni Oprah “If a man wants you, nothing can keep him away.If he doesn’t want you, nothing can make him stay”.

Sana magreply ka….please….kahit na sabihin mo lang na “C’mon Janis, dream on !!! Never!”…. at least alam ko kung saan ako mag-start ulit sa life ko…

Meron pa kong isang song sau :

I´d cross the desert to be where you are
All the things I do to be close to you
A million miles wouldn’t seem that far
I´d go anywhere just to win your heart
But wherever this leads
There’s something I need

I need love
The kind that makes you wanna live
The kind that makes you wanna breath
The kind that makes you feel too much
And I need you
To help me find a better way
And I guess you never thought you’d hear me say
I need love
I need love

And when I see you I just lose my mind
You’re the everything I thought I’d never find
Must be an angel watching over me
With a little luck we’re gonna make you mine
Cos I wanna believe (I wanna believe)
In all we can be (all we can be)

And ohI will catch you when you fall
Be the greatest love of all
I promise to be
If you give me what I need, I need

I need love
I need you
The kind that makes you feel
The one that makes you wanna live
The one that makes you wanna breath
And I need you
To help me find the better way
And I guess you never thought you’d hear me say
I need love
I´d cross the desert

I´d cross the desert to be where you are

Come to think of it, talga namang nasa desert ka…

Janis

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EM YU

EM YU

Janis de Asis
(Para kay Jo.Me)

Nami-miss mo rin kaya ako?
Naiisip paminsan-minsan?
Naaalala mo rin kaya ako?
Minsang naging bahagi ng buhay mo?

Alam kong pasaway ako. Mahilig mag-isip.
Mahilig mag-duda. Makulit. Paulit-ulit.
Deadma. Manhid. Mahirap kumbinsihin. Magulong kausap.
Suplada. Mataray. Isnabera…kahit hindi naman maganda!
Pero sabi mo non mahal mo ako di ba? Sabi mo pa nga:
“No amount of words could describe what I’m feeling for you!”
Pero nasaan ka na? Bakit hindi na kita makita?

Makikilala mo pa kaya ako?
Kung muling magkita tayo?
Papansinin mo kaya ko?
Maalalang minsa’y minahal ng puso mo?

Sana noon pa pinatulan kita
Nang naranasan ko kung pano’ng mahalin mo.
Naramdaman ‘yong saya pag kasama ka.
Kahit sa puso ko’y my duda…
na sasaktan mo lang ako…
Pero ano nga bang kaibahan, hindi ba’t nasasaktan pa rin naman ako ngayon…
Disin sana minsan sa buhay ko naging masaya ako sa piling mo…
Sana’y inamin kong mahal kita
Kahit alam kong hindi totoong nagmamahal ka
Kahit nandon yong takot na paglaruan lang ang damdamin ko
Sana’y sinabi kong mahal kita nang sobra sobra
Kahit lahat sa’yo’y trip o laro lang.

At least…
hindi sana ako nahihirapan nang ganito
hindi sana ako nasasaktan nang ganito
hindi sana malungkot ang buhay ko
na parang may kulang
hindi sana nagdurugo ang puso…

Meron ka na kayang iba?
Sana wala…sana wala pa
Sana hintayin mong malimutan muna kita
At hayaan akong muling magsimula.

Nato-torture na ko sa kaiiisip
Kung ano na bang nangyari
Kung mahal kita at mahal mo ako
Paanong hindi tayo nagtagpo?

At parang habambuhay tayong magkalayo???